Those are in my heart and i cant take it. I need to blast out. Sorry for that nasty attitude. I'm waiting for the time... When you'll text me sweet things. Waiting and cant take it alrdy. Text you first. Baby dont call me baby alrdy. Sweetest name you called me these few days is only "my dear". No more. Now, i'm only wishing for you to come back to me. I want to be happy with you again. I dont want to be sad w/o you, looking at your/our photos and crying every single night. I dont want cold msgs. I want sweet msgs. All these are caused by me. I can only blame myself. Seriously, i've suffered enough. These are all the retributions ba? Or is there more? Or all these sufferings are coming to an end? I want to run away from this world, far away. Nvr come back. Memories? Those are sweet ones. But when you thought of it, heart will hurt. Every single day trying to find smth to do, to numb myself. But cant. Whatever thing i'm doing, my mind is still full of you. Always. I can swear that even i sleep, i dreamt of you. I swear. But in those dreams, you're with another girl. I dont want dreams to come true. They're scary. Very scary. I'm just trying to blast whats in my heart. Its very painful inside. I'm not doing stunts. I'm just trying to make myself feel better. I've nvr met you for 5 days alrdy. Thought that i could meet you ytd. But you're busy. And becuz of my stupidness, i quarrelled with you. Sorry. You asked me have i eaten? You asked me to eat alot. But i've really got no appetite to eat. I can only eat abit. How am i suppose to get back my 3 meals when i'm so weak w/o you? I'm crying when i'm blogging this. Becuz i'm hurt. Very hurt alrdy. Will you come back to me? I know you're not so heartless to leave me alone to die. Not heartless at all. Everyday cry to sleep. I know you dont like all these. But what can i do? I'm just so sad, so sad that i did it. Really sad. At least it helps me to get to sleep and not thinking crazily after crying so hard. My body just rejects food. My dad asked me to throw away the flower you gave me. But i insisted in keeping. It's still hanging in my bedroom. Everyday living miserably, waiting for baby to text me sweet things and ask to meet up. I'm waiting every single miserable day. I asked myself. If i didnt text you and you're so busy, will you forget me? Will the feeling fade? I'm sure it has alrdy fade somehow. It's all my fault. If i'm smart enough to know whats happening and change myself, all these wont happen. Last time, friendship prob. Some friends had heart-to-heart talk with me. And that helped me to change. But this time, relationship prob. N scolded me with vulgar and many things till i cried and wanted to end my life. I really cried like nobody's business. I want to change badly. I want you to know that you're really impt to you. I'm willing to change for you. But i really need your help. And i need you to give me a chance. Just a chance. Becuz i'm really changing to someone else. Someone else that's way off from what you want. I know you surely feel that i'm bullshitting all that. I know you dont trust me/believe me alrdy. I hope you'll just trust me/believe me one last time. Just this once. All these are really from my heart. I really hate to keep it in my heart. I know sometimes i dont really care abt how you feel. But now, i'm learning to. I know you feel stress, sad, angry, whatever. I'm feeling the same thing too. But mine is abit more than yours. Becuz all these are caused by me. Surely i'll feel bad abt it? Regret? Wish all these torturing can stop. Sorry. All these are from my heart. Not that i want to be like that or purposely post it. Idk who to talk to. Sorry. Hope you und.