I need you.

I need your sweet sweet sugar. I'll wait. I swear i will. My character brings me down to hell.
I am ridiculous, i am immature, i am lame, i am irritating, i am petty, i treated him badly. I need to change all these.
Shld i think positively to make myself happy that __________?
Or shld i think negatively and let time heals till __________?
If i think positively, and it turns out negative, i think i'll go worse than now.
But if i think negatively, i think everyone will give up on me and i will nvr be positive.
Ha. Idk how. I'm afraid of everything now. I'm afraid of my phone, facebook, her blog.
I'm very afraid. I'm really vex. I need a job badly.
I know there're many friends just by my side.
It's just that, i'm afraid of all the scoldings, i'm afraid to cry in front of all of you.
Danying, i'm sorry.
Kelly, joy, jieyi, shien, tabs, jie(kh), regina, ahdi, sorry to make your worry.
K & N, i'm sorry, i'm really sorry. I didnt mean it. And i dont want this to happen. Sigh.
I ruin everything. I'm a coward now, i'm running away.
It's fate that brought us tgt. It's fate that you choose me instead of her. It's fate...
But i dont think it's fate that __________. It's becuz of my character. I know that god can hear me asking for help. But i'm not sure if god will help me __________. I really __________. I swear i will __________. I will treat him well, i swear with my blood.